Let’s Talk About Emotional Affairs

Let’s talk about emotional affairs as this might be of help to someone out there. 

“Are you having an emotional affair?”

If anybody asks you this question, you may get angry or livid because it sounds so insulting. Why? 

You are never the type of person who would have an affair outside of your relationship or marriage.

Well, that is because you do not know what an emotional affair is. 

Scope of Our Emotional Affairs 

An emotional affair does not involve sex.

It happens to people who are in courtship or engaged or married but very fond of somebody else who is not their spouse.

If adequate care is not taken and breaks applied, it can lead to full-blown sexual affairs. 

Emotional affairs do not only happen to people in bad, unhappy marriages.

It can also happen to happy couples, morally sound people and deeply spiritual individuals who love God with all their hearts and hate sin.

It can even happen to great men and women of God. How do they fall into emotional affairs? 

Emotional Affair is not easy to detect at the beginning.

It all starts as a plain, platonic friendship with the opposite sex whom you exchange ideas with, and find admirable – that’s all. 

Proximity and unbridled interactions fuel these things as these individuals could be a friend, a colleague at work, a fellow worker at church, a coursemate, the secretary to the boss at the office or the next-door neighbour. 

Let’s Talk About Emotional Affairs

They are someone you find attractive and enjoy talking to.

If you treat them like you treat any normal friends with no strings attached, there is no problem but if you are SECRETLY fond of them, there is a BIG problem. 

Emotional affairs start rearing their ugly head when you are always eager to see them, anxious to hear from them, and you may even feel sad if a day passes without getting in touch with them.

 It escalates when you begin sharing deep personal issues, especially relational or marital problems, and you find their words very soothing -it’s like Valium (a sleeping pill), you can’t sleep without it. 

It progresses when there are subtle flirty compliments, sweet names calling and you never do anything to stop them. You love it and always look forward to hearing more from them. 

You idolize them while comparing them to your spouse or partner who always falls short.

You see them as your comforter, healer and the only one who UNDERSTANDS you.

You begin to keep your conversations with them a secret from your spouse and deny every accusation of having an affair with them since you are not having sex.

You have chemistry with them and are always sexually charged when thinking about them or talking to them. 

Now, pull a break……..!!! 

Hey Buddy, It’s Dangerous:

You are treading on a very dangerous path while consoling yourself that you are not having sex.

Most people, especially good people, do not plan on cheating or adultery, it “just” happens when all red flags are ignored.

Face the fact that your relationship or marriage is sick. That is why you are attracted to someone else, so fix the problem. 

Let’s Talk About Emotional Affairs

Deal with your relationship problems:

If you do not deal with your relationship or marital issues, you will keep pursuing them and end up sleeping with them.

That in itself, is the beginning of the end of your relationship or marriage.

Pull back from that person and avoid discussing anything personal with them henceforth.

You might want to have a word with your spouse or partner about it:

Come clean to your spouse and let them know you are getting attracted to someone else and you need their help.

You don’t need to give them the full details of your attraction.

Stop all chats, be very polite with their calls or ignore their calls altogether if you get tempted to go back. 

Time for self-reflection, darling:

Understand why you fell into an emotional affair and take precautions lest you fall into another one.

Know that you are human and it is very possible to feel attracted towards the opposite sex.

However, just don’t pursue your object of attraction.

Hey, avoid unprofitable emotions:

Set boundaries and do not entertain ungodly relationships.

Have a full understanding of emotional affairs, and protect your heart from being tempted. 

Remember, the Yoruba (South Western Nigeria tribe) saying; “Ohun ti a ko bá niije, a kí fii run’mu”, which translates to “You do not have to smell a food that you do not intend to eat”. 

Take charge of your life, do not leave your relationships to chance.

Otherwise, you may lose your spouse to another person.”

Wishing you a good and unencumbered life.

Let’s Talk About Emotional Affairs